The Testimony.

Revelation 12:11King James Version (KJV)
¹¹ And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb, and by the word of their testimony; and they loved not their lives unto the death.

First, let me tell you about Gomer, the wife of Hosea.

I looked for an explanation on the internet but couldn’t find one that particularly jumped out at me. So, here is my summarised version:

Gomer was a promiscuous woman, a harlot and, some scriptures even say, a whore. We meet her in the first chapter of Hosea. God gives him this instruction: “Go, take to yourself a wife of harlotry, and have children of harlotry; for the land commits flagrant harlotry, forsaking the Lord” (Hos. 1:2)

As can be expected, he obeys and marries Gomer. The first months were great and from their marriage came 3 kids, one of which is Jezreel. Gomer soon became restless in the marriage because she had little in common with Hosea. He was a budding preacher, a prophet. Gomer was the daughter of Diblaim, whose name signifying “double layers of grapecake,” speaks of one completely given up to sensuality. With such a father we can understand why Gomer became a woman of sensual pleasure. – Biblegateway.com

She was unfaithful in their marriage and became a slave to one of her lovers. Hosea went and bought her back for the price of an ordinary slave because God had instructed Him to do so.

As a young woman, I have always loved attention. And attention from boys all the more, I always wanted to be one of them or loved by them. I enjoyed feeling wanted and when I was young, girls didn’t make each other feel wanted because we were always competing with each other.

I missed out on so many opportunities because my need to impress and be wanted consumed me. So I always needed to look good and I never really felt like I completely like how I look. I always needed to hear that I am beautiful. And so, looking back I took things way too far to get these needs fulfilled.

There was something I had to give up in order to always be the one, I needed to do this to be wanted, sought after and accepted. And my worth depended on how much they wanted me.

So, when one of my teachers called, I answered. I loved the attention and the validation was exactly what I needed as a teenager. And, I gave it up. I gave up my purity to hear more of these nice words and to feel more of this “love”. The affair went on for months and when I think back, I am not quite sure why it had stopped or who stopped it. Perhaps it was because the story started spreading and some of my fellow students caught a sniff of what was going on. I of course never admitted to anything.

That was the start of my “Gomer” story.

I have had many sexual encounters with many men and God must really love me because I am disease free and I didn’t fall pregnant until I met my husband. He remained gracious toward me even in my sinful nature.

None of this happened to me before I met God and started walking with Christ. All of this happened while I knew the Lord, I knew what was right and what was wrong. I knew what had been expected of me and yet, I couldn’t walk away, I always seemed to find myself in the same situations over and over again.

I remember this one time in high school, my friend introduced me to this guy who I was crushing on and he decided to come home with me that afternoon. I didn’t know why else he would want to do that other than wanting to have sex with me. So, I gave it up. He called my friend and told her he couldn’t ever date me because “she’s just too easy” that killed me.

But I didn’t learn, I started believing that something must be wrong with me. I started taking God’s forgiveness and love as license for me to do what I wanted. To continue living and lust. It was fun, I loved it, I was good at it. But I was always empty, always alone.

Always the other woman, never the one.

Like Gomer, I became restless in my marriage too. And when my husband started getting busy building his career, I started looking for the attention I have craved for so long. I had multiple affairs and it became one of the reasons my marriage did not work out.

Side note: What GOD has put together, let no man put a sunder. When GOD put u together there is something to fight for. But if the instruction did not come from GOD. The self-inflicted wounds will break you. Sarah Jakes said it beautifully… “You cannot create your own picture perfect and ask God to bless it, that’s not how it works”

My struggles continue today but over the years God has broken me. I have been humiliated and humbled to such an extent that today I am unable to judge others without repenting a milli second after. I have been humbled to lows I never knew I would ever see.

It has made me stronger and yes I still make decisions that put me in these scandalous situations but I am able to pick myself up, to discern and to walk away.

I am a work in progress but thank God I am definitely not as weak as I was when He found me.

Our performance means nothing to God. Stop hiding and allow the world to see God's work in you!

I stumbled across this song, I hope it blesses you as it has me:

How can it be by Lauren Diagle

I am guilty
Ashamed of what I've done, what I've become
These hands are dirty
I dare not lift them up to the Holy One

You plead my cause, you right my wrongs
You break my chains, you overcome
You gave your life, to give me mine
You say that I am free
How can it be? Yeah
How can it be? Yeah

#iamfree

#iamHis