You are not your struggle

Since I wrote about where I have been in this life (TheTestimony) people contacted me and basically told me how brave they think I am and how they feel bound by certain things.

At first I cried, then I felt a sense of disbelief, then very embarrassed and finally I was ready to give up.

I could hear people go, “really, you want to share all that?” and others making coffee dates to discuss what they finally knew was true about “high school Mel”

If anything, this is what I wanted to tell women out in every part of the world:

THE DEVIL IS LYING TO YOU, THINKING YOU’RE ALONE AND THAT SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH YOU. THAT IS A LIE FROM THE DEEPEST PIT OF HELL

For a very long time I felt as though something is wrong with me, that I am alone and that there is no freedom for me. LIES!!! The devil really tried me for a very long time.  

I remember this specific time. My ex-husband had found a conversation between myself and a “friend” the conversation was very sexually explicit. As can be expected he was deep in his feelings about this. We talked (screamed rather) about it and he asked me, “Why are these guys so comfortable talking to you about sex”. I couldn’t answer him, I broke down, I had no idea what to say. 

And that’s when I decided it’s who I am, it’s how it is, it won’t change, maybe my broken is actually what I am meant to be.

I would jokingly call myself Delilah (you know referencing her that seduced Samson and cut his hair, robbing him of his power)

Don’t ever do that, don’t call yourself by your struggle. YOU ARE NOT YOUR STRUGGLE!

We are imperfect people, loved and called by a perfect God. 

What I know today, is that we all struggle with something. And to overcome it is as hard for me as it is for my neighbour struggling to overcome his drug addiction. I know that just because I am struggling doesn’t mean I am meant to stay in that place. It means I need to work harder, it means I need to stay focused on God and practice self-control. It means if I fail one more time, I simply need to get up, pray and try again, I need to be patient in my journey.

I listened to a sermon not so long ago, a series actually, called “Crash the chatterbox” …glad I did because I knew exactly what to do when doubt crept in and shame burdened me and giving up seemed all too easy.

The scripture I quoted in The Testimony, has been so deeply rooted in my heart, that I am confident all of these feelings of shame and embarrassment is a lie of the enemy.

Revelation 12:11King James Version (KJV)
¹¹ And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb, and by the word of their testimony; and they loved not their lives unto the death.

This scripture tells me that I am now free, I have overcome by the blood of the Lamb and the grace of God that has carried me to where I am now, able to testify.

It doesn’t mean, acceptance from everyone but it does mean no more hiding. It doesn’t mean no more struggling but when we testify it gives other believers an opportunity to keep us accountable, to help us pray our way through our struggles.

It pains me that there are still so many churches who are so religious that without even knowing it, they condemn the ones who are brave enough to come forward and say, “I struggle, this is where I come from, what I have done and it is shameless, it’s not pretty”.

But that’s an issue for another day.

You are not your struggle. You are a child of God, He knows you and nothing you do can separate you from His love.