Let me tell you about the past 2 weeks.
I gave up on prayer…AGAIN…
I didn’t pray. I went through every day without saying a word. Aware of God, yes, but not praying.
I decided you know what, nothing happens when I pray, I don’t really feel anything and nothing goes my way anyway, so what’s the use. I thought if God really wants to know what’s going on with me He would find me and read my mind. Cause He can do that right? The omnipresent God can find me and read my mind. If He loves me that much and cares so much about what happens to me then He must show some interest.
Me, me, me
I lived life with God like I did with my husband… (ex-husband haha still getting used to that)
I went quiet and expected to be asked: “how was your day” “how do you feel about this” “hey did you see that happen, yass babe I really want to hear what you have to say about it”
Lol I literally wanted God to pursue me lol can you imagine being pursued by God? OMW thinking about it now, what kind of entitled, self-centred, spoiled little girl was I?! *eek*
I was being everything but humble and grateful. I became proud I suppose. Proud of how I achieved minor successes in my attempt to live “righteous”. I called God out on it…”you know God, I did this and I did that and you showed me this and I did that so I could please you. But now you’re quiet and I’m just here.” Then I became super religious and I went “oh God, why hath thou forsaken me?”
Lol ridiculous.
Here is what happened: I stopped drawing near to Him because it became about what I wanted out of Him and not about Him. Prayer is about getting to know God, learning about Him and praising Him, praising His majesty, His good and perfect nature, His amazing grace, His everlasting love, His faithfulness. I could go on and on but this is the core…When your relationship with God becomes about you only and what you can get out of Him only then you’re doing it wrong.
I am not saying it is wrong to ask God for things and speaking to Him about what’s going on in your life but that cannot be the only reason we pray. I don’t know about you but when I have a conversation with someone and every conversation, every time is all about them, I become more and more distant and less keen to be in that person’s presence.
But because God loves us so, He does great things for us anyway. In spite of this situation He was still a great God, He still came through for me in ways I could never ask or think.
You know what scares me? I have been frustrated with Him for not coming through for me in a tiny insignificant area of my life, so frustrated that I almost missed the big thing He did for me:
On Monday I received my appointment letter from our HR department for a position I am not qualified to do by the world’s standards. BUT GOD…how many know GOD qualifies you???
Even when I fail, HE remains faithful, even when I give up He doesn’t, He continues to work in, through and for me. Why? Because baby girl, hear this:
Romans 8:38 For I am convinced that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, 39 nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord
YES, LORD!!!
If you’re reading this, I want you to learn what I have learnt these past few days:
James 5: 13-18
13 Is anyone among you suffering? Let him pray. Is anyone cheerful? Let him sing psalms. 14 Is anyone among you sick? Let him call for the elders of the church, and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord. 15 And the prayer of faith will save the sick, and the Lord will raise him up. And if he has committed sins, he will be forgiven.16 Confess your trespasses[a] to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much. 17 Elijah was a man with a nature like ours, and he prayed earnestly that it would not rain; and it did not rain on the land for three years and six months. 18 And he prayed again, and the heaven gave rain, and the earth produced its fruit.
Don’t stop talking to God, remember the Bible says it: Draw close to God and He will draw close to you.
We had Ps.Robert Fergusson at church on Sunday and he gave these tips to remember when we pray:
God is God
God is Faithful
God loves us
What do you have to do:
Keep praying
Keep looking
Keep going
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