I am low key frustrated with God every now and then…at least
for 5 minutes every day.
Frustrated because everything is a constant battle and I
wish I had a partner who could fight with me. Someone who could take over the
fight and give me a bit of break and vice versa. I wouldn’t mind fighting for
what I want…if only I didn’t have to do it on my own.
Forgetting that I am not fighting alone, in fact, I don’t have
to fight so hard at all.
Forgetting that He would gladly fight for me and that I need
only to be still, tell Him what’s up and wait.
But that waiting bit is what I suck at and so I start
fighting on my own again.
God bless my church though; I have definitely found the
right home for this stage of my journey in Christ.
On Sunday I went to our church café and got a cup of very
very very good coffee. I was feeling offish, because of the reasons you had
just read and I had flu, my church is also full of very happily married people
and it was just nauseating lol
I go back through the service entrance, sit down and tell my
team leader what had happened. So we look around and in comes the worship team
THROUGH THE SAME DOOR WITH THEIR COFFEE…so of course the fleshly spirit in me, that
is already tense and wanting to scream, makes my face go blood red of fury.
I go out to the office, take my coffee and decide to go in
through the front door of the audi. Get there and I think, “great, the venue
control guy is having a thick conversation with someone, he won’t see me slip
by with my coffee” NO SUCH LUCK! He sees me and stops me and sends me out with
my coffee.
On my way back to the office I have a heated fight with God
in my head:
“Can You not just give me one thing, just one thing without
me having to fight for it???? All I want is to go and have my coffee in peace, that’s
all but no. You cannot even give me just that!”
Disclaimer: God knows
my heart and so He knows I didn’t mean to shout at Him
Just then as I am about to take the corner to the office, our campus team leader comes around, grabs me around my waist and says: “Mel, I love you,
so glad to see you. We should have coffee soon ok.”
I said to her “Michelle, if you hold me any longer I am
going to cry.” And of course then, I cried.
She encouraged me and so did all of the other team members
who saw me break down and I am so grateful to them. Here is what happened to me
though:
When she grabbed me, I felt God saying so clearly
ministering to my heart. “Mel I know
things are hard right now, I know you’re struggling but I haven’t left you. I
am still here, I still love you and I will never stop loving you.”
I could not stop crying that entire day. My God moment was
just to great and to tangible for me to not have an emotional reaction.
Deuteronomy 31:6
For the Lord your God goes with you; He will never leave you
nor forsake you.
Comments
Post a Comment