This happened.

I was gone for a week and when I say gone I mean gone in a hole that I hate admitting I was ever in.

You see I never really thought depression was an actual thing. I couldn’t wrap my head around what people said when they tried to explain it to me…but like with salvation, you never really understand what people are talking about until you go through it yourself.

I don’t think I had it as bad but I remember feeling numb, I remember feeling as though I could do nothing. I had spoken to a colleague and my mother about it, “I see what needs to be done but I cannot seem to move from here” those were my words to my mom. At the time, she was basically mothering my kids. I was an absolute idiot (for lack of a better word) she did it and I just assisted here and there, reacting to instruction.

Clothes, plates, glasses, cups and cutlery piled up everywhere…there was underwear on the floor, shoes laying from the door way right through to the bedroom. No one was going to come and I didn’t care.

I didn’t want to be spoken to, I didn’t want to talk about how I felt or what was happening.

I fronted.

And to this day I still hear people surprised that I went through a divorce. You see I didn’t wear my pain on my face, some may say this is the way it should be…the world needn’t know what’s happening in your life or heart…but it threw me into a deep pit of depression, numbed by my emotions.

Maybe if I showed it and was open to the talks I would have been saved from depression. But I was determined to prove I was ok.

I am not sure what lead to me going back there last week, just talking to God was hard, so I didn’t. I would look up to the roof for a second and go to bed. Ready to give up and live a wreckless life again.

Then I go to church yesterday and these words are sung from the stage:

O praise the name of the Lord our God
O praise His name forever more
For endless days we will sing Your praise
Oh Lord, oh Lord our God

This question kept ringing in my heart: What if all you needed to do was praise God?

I went home and did the daily Sunday routine and just before I went to bed I told God about my frustrations and what is hurting me right now. I hesitantly reached for my Bible because in just 1 minute, I was done talking. Reaching for my Bible was my attempt at listening to God in that moment.

All of the scriptures I read gave me this one instruction: PRAISE THE NAME OF THE LORD! The weird part is today when I went back, none of them speak of praising God the way I remember reading it last night. Except this one: Psalm 145  

Divine intervention perhaps?

What if we focused less on what we’re doing wrong and started praising God more?

What if genuinely praising God is all we need to do? Praise without asking, selfless praise.

I am not trying to insult anyone who struggles with depression but what if the answer, the way out, was that simple?

Praising God in a state of depression is like learning to ride a bike, it comes naturally the more you practice.

Psalm145:21

My mouth shall speak the praise of the Lord; let all flesh bless His holy name forever and ever